Hair cut

This is a bit off topic but fuck it it’s my blog and I can write what I want.  Today my husband had a vasectomy and we don’t have kids already *shock horror*.  To answer the immediate questions yes I am happy about it, no it was not a one sided decision it was made together and no I’m not worried about changing our minds later. 
I have known for quite a while that I don’t want kids.  To answer another point, I don’t hate kids I just don’t have the patience for them.  Yes I know the party line of its different when it’s your own but that’s a risky game to play if it turns out I feel the same way with my own.  I love my sisters kids and other children in my life but I often find myself wanting to rip out my ears when I’m with them for too long.  Or I want to slap the shit out of them or shout at them to just STOP!  I hate child logic where no reason exists, the selfishness of children and more than anything the noise and constant need.  I know it’s not like this all the time and there are other much more lovely parts to having them but the lack of tolerance on my part for the other things means I’m not willing to put myself in what could be potentially the biggest mistake of my life and ultimately the child’s life.  I’m aware that the things that annoy me about children are natural child things, they don’t know better, they have to learn and grow into proper well rounded adults but I’m not interested in being a part of that process thanks.  My husband echoes all of this and I’m sure he has his own reasons as well. 
It’s not always been like this for me.  Yes I have always felt the same about kids but I did want to have them for many years.  It was programmed into me that that was what I wanted and it was normal and that it was what I should do.  Even though doubts were there and my mum spent years telling me I’m not patient enough for kids and I need to grow up first blah blah.  Ironically she was more surprised than anyone when I told her we weren’t having any but she definitely supports us in this decision.  She would have been happy with more grandkids but she is getting older and me living in another country to all my family wouldn’t have been the same for them or us to be honest.  I really wouldn’t want my children to not have the family experience I had growing up, they would be isolated. 
But anyway the decision has been made by two consenting adults who have been together over 10 years and know what they do and don’t want.  Why is that so hard for people to understand? I was even asked by one person if I shouldn’t have some of the husbands spunk frozen just in case we change our minds.  Like I’m going to waste money on that, fuck that!  It’s usually people who have children that are the most judgemental about it, I don’t get what makes them the authority on my decision making but it’s always the same patronising response of oh just wait.  Erm wait for what exactly?  Oh you will, you’ll change your mind.  Oh really? You know my mind better than my own do you? How insulting can you be? You are dismissing my thoughts as immature or stupid just because society encourages you to procreate and it doesn’t compute to you that someone would not follow the same rules as you. 
The other argument is that its selfish to not have children when you can.  How is it not more selfish to bring children into the world that you didn’t want and end up resenting them for it.  Of course I could give a child up for adoption to someone who can’t have children but that’s a massive strain on my body and life that I don’t want, it’s not selfish to want control over my own body.  This is the other thing is that I’m not a monster.  If I was unfortunate enough to get pregnant and I ended up keeping it (I don’t know how I would get to that point I’m sure I would abort) but let’s play pretend and say that I had the baby.  I would absolutely keep it and love it with all my heart, I would be a brilliant mother but I just don’t want to, simple as that.  I know a woman who has a child she didn’t want, she looks after the child and gives her clothes and food etc but she doesn’t love her, she’s said so on many occasions, no maternal bond as she says and regrets having it.  The child is now 8 or something and clearly knows how her mother feels about her.  This makes me sad and angry in equal measure.  How is it more selfish for us to actively not have children than it is for this woman to bring a child into the world that she didn’t and still doesn’t want? It’s crazy. 
Basically you may not understand our decision or even agree with it but at the end of the day it is our life and we don’t want children in it so you can just suck a giant fuck 😀

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